TriHeart

Acworth Women's Sprint Triathlon

2010-08-09T16:29:00.004-04:00

Pre Race

We decided to go camping for the three days prior to this race. It was a nice relaxing weekend, but in retrospect, I wondered if it cause me to start the race dehydrated. It was certainly a hot weekend and I may not have been hydrating like I should.

On the morning of the race we got to the race site in planty of time for me to set up transition, warm up, stretch and still have time to hang out with Baby Grace and HB. A co-worker was also doing the race, and oddly enough had the race number right next to mine. Another co-worker came to watch us both race.

Swim 8:56

The swim was uneventful. I was able to do the crawl the whole time, except a few breaststrokes around the buoys for sighting. I felt pretty strong and relaxed in the water. It was pretty crowded and maybe the most physical of the swims I've done so far, but that didn't bother me.

I hadn't swum since Chattanooga, so I guess I did pretty well given the lack of training. my goal had been under 8 min, but I'll take this and try to actually swim some before my next race!

T1 1:47

This was pretty sloppy. I didn't dry my feet well enough and couldn't get my socks on. The socks I chose were too tight around the ankles, which made them extra hard to get on. I put one sock on upside down and had to struggle to fix it. I almost forgot to put my helmet on and had trouble unracking my bike. I could have done this much faster. Still my goal had been under 2 min and I made that goal.

Bike 49:57

This is where the dehydration kicked in. For the first half of the bike I felt great. I was keeping a great pace and felt strong and light on the hills. I felt like I was going to be well within my goal time. About halfway through I started to get a stitch in my side any time I was in aero. I stopped trying to ride aero and that helped for a bit. I also realized I probably was not drinking like I should, so I started drinking more. After a couple more miles the pain started getting worse. I slowed down noticeably. The last 2-3 miles were agony. I was starting to get afraid that I might be having another attack of the abdominal pain that had sent me to the hospital a few months ago. I decided that I would take one of my pain pills when I got to transition. I got some funny looks from my fellow racers as I was moaning quite a bit from the pain. Finally I made it to transition! My goal time had been under 48 min. So, not too far off giving how much my abdomen hurt.

T2 1:19

As soon as I got off my bike, the pain in my side virtually disappeared. I still took a pain pill just in case. This transition went much more smoothly than the first one. I was slowed a little looking for the pain pill, but otherwise executed everything as planned.

Run 35:03

Fortunately, the cramps went away as soon as I started running. I took it easy at first just to be sure. I felt like I was running pretty strong. Made the first mile in a little over 12 min. and decided to try to pick it up a little. When I got to mile 2, my time was around11:30. Since I hadn't used the split function on my watch, I spent most of the next mile trying to figure out if my math was right. 11:30 seemed a lot faster than I thought I had gone. When I hit mile 3 at around 11:00, I thought for sure the course was short. When I crossed the finish and saw my run time was 35:03 I was ecstatic. That is the fastest 5K I've ever had. The night before the race I had actually been writing down some long range goals and one of them was 5K in under 35. If I had realized I was only 3 seconds away, I might have dug down a little deeper for the final kick. Either way, very excited about the run part of this race!

Overall 1:37:00
It was a great race and I thoroughly enjoyed the day, even with the pain on the bike. I love racing and this was a fun race.

Iron Aspirations

2010-07-30T15:42:00.002-04:00

I have been doing just a minimal amount of training lately. Weight is hovering around 150-152. One more week until the Acworth Women's Sprint. I am excited about the race and just hoping to have fun since my training time has been limited.

In the meantime, I am feeling the Ironman bug. I've mapped out a plan to do Augusta 70.3 next September and Beach 2 Battleship full Iron-Distance in November 2012. Just the act of saying those two goals out loud has me anxious with anticipation. I've been playing around with what the training and racing seasons for the next two years will be like. I put reminders on my calendar to register for the events, finalize training plans, make travel arranegments, etc. I can hardly believe that I am at the point now where I feel like I will be capable of actually training for and racing these distances! This has been a dream of mine for a long time. I am ready. I will be an Ironman.

Chattanooga Waterfront Triathlon

2010-07-12T14:13:00.002-04:00

Baby Grace kept me up a good bit of the night and morning before the tri. I was pretty much awake from 3:00 A.M. At 5:00 I finally got out of bed, ate a banana and some nut butter. I checked the tire pressure on my bike, got dressed and headed out. I rode my bike two miles to the transition area. It was nice riding there, gave my legs a chance to warm up and the streets were so peaceful. Setting up transition went quickly and smoothly. I ate a Lara Bar, got body marked, stretched, and practiced the entrances and exits from transition.. By 6:15 I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself. The race had shuttles to take participants to the swim start. They were loaded according to race number and my bus wasn’t scheduled to leave until 7:30. So I decided to walk the mile to the swim start.

Once at swim start I still had lots of time and nothing to do. I tried to relax and stay warm and stretched. I heard an official say it would take 1 ½ - 2 hrs to get all the participants in the water. Since my number was so high, I began to feel anxious about how late I would start and whether or not I would make the 12:30 cut off. I tried to be calm and just accept that I would start when I started, but my nerves got the better of me. At one point I felt almost in tears. Coincidentally, the race director was walking around and I asked her about the cutoff time and the late start. She seemed a little surprised that things were taking so long and assured me that the cut off time would not be an issue. That helped me calm down some.

Swim
Finally, around 9:00, I was in the water. I remembered after a few minutes to turn my watch timer on. The swim felt great. Nothing significant to report. I kept a nice, even, strong stroke. Occasionally I stopped to breaststroke and get my bearings visually. It was actually pretty lonely on the swim since it was a time trial start (one person at a time). Toward the end several of the men that started behind me swam over me, but that was about the only contact. I don’t know my swim split, but I think it was quicker than my previous Olympic distance, with the help of the current.

T-1
This transition went very smoothly. It was a long run up from the river to my bike, but once there I executed everything as planned.

Bike
Wow! Can you say HILLS! I swear one of the hills was over a mile long. It was a really challenging bike course. Though I guess the upside of such long hills is they also have really long down hills. I picked up quite a bit of speed on some of the down hills and was able to take full advantage of my aero position. It was actually a little scary going so fast down those hills. I rode my new bike for the first time in a race. She worked beautifully and I felt very comfortable. I’m getting used to the downtube shifting, but I still think I’m going to convert to bar end shifters. With all the hills, a triple crank might have been nice. But then again, the extra gearing at the top gave me a little more speed on the down hills and the flats. Either way, I was very pleased with the performance of my new bike and promised her a nice lube when we got home.
Bike time was about 1:46.

T-2
I fumbled a little getting off the bike and couldn’t get my right cleat unclipped. Then my legs were so stiff from riding that I was a little dazed in transition and forgot to grab my water bottle. I remembered just before exiting transition, but decided not to go back.

Run
I was really proud of my run in this race. For the most part I ran and only walked at the aid stations. I was surprised I was able to run for so long, especially after I realized it had been well over two years since I last ran more than 3 miles. I actually can’t believe I was able to run all 6 miles. My knees did not bother me at all and I felt pretty strong throughout. I kept a slow, but even pace. The run was hot, but mostly flat and had plenty of aid stations. I didn’t need my water bottle after all. My run time was about 1:16.

At the finish line, Baby Grace and HB were there to meet me. I carried Baby Grace across the finish line with me, but quickly turned her over as I began to feel unstable. I sat in the med tent for a while getting ice on my knees (just precautionary) and regaining my balance.

It was a great day of racing. It was a beautiful course and very well organized and supported. I would definitely do it again… after lots of hill work!

My overall time was 3:38:31. 10 minutes better than my last Olympic Distance – so a new PR. Given how little I was actually able to train, I am elated by that time!

The sprint in 3 weeks should be a piece of cake.

Bike Love

2010-06-28T11:18:00.003-04:00

The bike I currently ride is about 5 years old now. It's still in good shape as I take reasonably good care of it. It fit my needs well when I bought it. It was a step up from the department store bike I was riding. When I bought it I was totally in love with it. Riding that bike was such a joy and gave me a love for cycling. However, my needs and desires in a bike have outgrown my trusty bike.

I have been searching for and thinking about buying a new bike for the last few months. About a month ago, I came to the realization that we can't really afford for me to buy a new bike right now. I resolved to take my old bike in for a complete overhaul and get another good year out of it. The next day I was at a flea market in South Carolina when I saw her - an old, celeste Bianchi. It was love at first sight. There is no way I could have haggled for a cheaper price because my eyes lit up and I exclaimed. I tried to play it cool, but there was no containing my excitement. I actually did walk away at first to think it over. I debated whether I should save my money and buy a flashy new bike in a year or go for this bike that obviously needed some work but seemed like fate dropped in my lap. I ultimately decided that a flashy new bike might be nice one day, but I already loved this bike. A bike I love riding is worth more than any high end carbon machine.

The bike is a 1986 (?) Bianchi Axis. It has a steel Cro-Mo frame with mostly Shimano 600 components. It showed minimal rust, though quite a bit of paint chips. The brake pads, cables, chain, bar tape and brake hoods obviously needed replacing. The tires also looked a little iffy, though were certainly holding air. It definitely needed a good cleaning.

I immediately started searching for replacement parts on ebay and spent lots of time trying to clean up what was there. So far I have replaced brake pads, straddle cable and hanger on both brakes, all cables, bar tape, tires, tubes, chain rings and cranks. I went from 700x35c tires to 700x25c tires and traded a triple crankset for a double. I switched out the pedals and saddle for those on my current bike and mounted my aerobars. I have overhauled most of the parts - I still need to overhaul the front hub and the bottom bracket. The bike could use a new pain job and some fresh decals. In all I have spent less than $100 on replacement parts.

Everything is running smoothly and she is a sweet ride. I haven't had time yet to go on a long trial ride, but maybe this week. I'm still working on a name, but that will come as I ride her more. There are things I would like to upgrade at some point - a lighter wheel set, the brake levers and hoods, maybe try bar end shifters instead of down tube. But I love this bike! She is way better than some flashy new thing. And the best part is I have touched every part of this bike and restored it to working order. I know her inside and out and feel so rpoud that I have been able to recondition this bike into one that I will absolutely love riding.

Progress

2010-06-28T11:08:00.002-04:00

These were my goals:

Weight: 150 (currently 164)
Body Fat Percentage: 24% (currently 28.9)
BMI: 23.5 (currently 25.7)
Waist: 32 inches (currently 36)

Here are my current stats:

Weight: 153 (down 11 lbs)
Body Fat Percentage: 25.2% (down 3.7%)
BMI: 24 (down 1.7)
Waist: 33.5 inches (down 2.5 inches)

I am so close to my goal! The date I had in mind was by my triathlon on July 11th, so I still have two weeks to go. It is totally doable. The diet is going well, though I am cheating quite often (mostly ice cream). Overall, I feel so much better not eating grains. The change in my body chemistry and digestion has been amazing. Training for the triathlon has been a bit more uneven. With a baby at home it is just so hard to make the time to workout. I have been getting in at least three sessions per week - long ride, long run, and one other. Sometimes I get more. I feel reasonably prepared for the tri, though I am nervous about the run.

Bike Lust

2010-05-11T14:38:00.003-04:00

This is the new bike I am lusting after. On Saturady we went up to the Silver Comet for my long ride. After the ride I stopped in the Depot and took a look at the bikes. After talking to the salesman a bit, he offered to let me test ride some. I had been looking at the bike above online and they had them in stock in my size. I was so excited I couldn't run back to my car fast enough to get my helmet! The bike felt great and was such a sweet ride. I am totally in love!! But, it's a little out of my price range right now....

However, last night on craigslist I found a slightly different model of the bike - same size, different paint scheme. The seller lives in my area and is only asking $550 for it. Of course, I sent a request to come see it. She's showing it to some one else today, but I'm next in line if he doesn't buy it. So, here's hoping it's a bad fit for him and I can have it!

Training and diet are still going well. This weekend I was able to fit in my skinny jeans!!! I finally broke 160, which felt amazing. It has given me the confidence I need for those times when my will power is lagging. Like yesterday when I was standing in the grocery store drooling over some chocolate. But I reminded myself how fabulous it felt to put those jeans on and passed on the chocolate.

Weight: 159.6 (down 4.4 lbs)

BMI: 25 (down 0.7)

Sugar Drug

2010-05-03T10:06:00.004-04:00

This past week proved more challenging in completing all my workouts. BabyGrace got sick toward the end of the week and was not interested in going out in the jogging stroller or trailer. Alas... But, I did get some workouts in, which felt great!

The first week of the diet went mostly well. Mon-Sat I was very disciplined and felt confident in my food choices and excited about how good I felt and how much progress I seemed to be making. Sunday I had lunch at a friend's house. They didn't serve anything that was on my diet. I knew that would probably be the case going in and had promised myself that I would eat conservatively while there and then be good the rest of the day. I felt like I needed to eat what was served to be polite. I did fine only eating a reasonable amount of food while there, but later in the afternoon the sugar cravings hit hard and I lost all will power. Well, not all, I did resist a chocolate cake that walked by. It just confirmed for me how much of a drug sugar and refined carbs are. I need a better plan of action should this kind of thing happen again.

Weight: 161.4 (down 2.6)
Body fat %: 27% (down 1.9%)
BMI: 25.3 (down .4)

Pretty good overall!

First week

2010-04-26T14:19:00.002-04:00

Just finished my first week back in training. The muscle soreness was such a pleasantly, familiar pain. I was able to do all my scheduled sessions, though I didn't necessarily complete the entire workout. I have a long way to go, but it feels so good to be back out there running, biking, and even swimming.

This week I am adding some changes to my diet. I plan to follow a primal type diet for the next 11 weeks leading up to my Olympic triathlon. The way of eating basically cuts all processed foods, grains and dairy. A greater focus is placed on eating organic vegetables and fruits and pastured or grassfed meats and eggs. In some ways, it's not that big a change for me. I am fairly particular about not eating junk and have long been an avid label reader. I prefer to eat organic and have a huge garden where I grow a lot of my own produce. But I am a bread junkie and only recently began eating meat after nearly 10 years of being a vegetarian. So, this could be a challenging nwe adventure. I hope it will be the catalyst my body needs to shed these last few pounds of pregnancy weight and to further my commitment to eating a healthy, clean diet.

Weight this morning, after 1 week return to exercise: 163.2 down .8 lbs. Not bad.

Preparations

2010-04-19T11:17:00.002-04:00

Since life is very (wonderfully!) full right now, I need to make this training thing as easy as possible. So, this weekend I collected all my swim, bike, run gear and created 3 bags for myself. Each bag has everything I need for training in each discipline. Well... I didn't put my bike in a bag. Hopefully, this will cut down on prep time so I can just grab a bag and head out the door to the pool, the trail, or where ever. I also made bags for BabyGirl and put them in the jogging stroller and bike trailer - diapers, wipes, snacks, water bottle, sunscreen, toys. Now she can happily go along for the ride.

Tonight I start in on my 12 week training plan for the Olympic distance. I'll be headed to the pool after BabyGirl goes to bed. Here's hoping she goes to sleep quickly and easily!

Back in the Saddle

2010-04-13T16:38:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I had my annual health check for my part-time job. As a part of the check they take your weight, body fat percentage, and BMI. BMI should be under 25. I was 25.7. Not far out of range, but still... I've known I was holding onto some pregnancy weight - at least 15 pounds - but having the nurse tell me I ought to try to get that down just a little more really got me activated. That combined with this fabulous weather we've been having making me itch to be outside, I decided it is time to stop making excuses and get back into the triathlon groove. My baby girl turns 1 next week. I can't believe it! I will stop pumping, which means I can't use breastfeeding as an excuse not to lose weight anymore. She loves riding in the jogging stroller and once she turns one I can take her out on the bike with me. So, all excuses are gone, it is time to reclaim my body, find the energy and life that comes with being active and teach my duaghter by example how to live an active healthy lifestyle.

I have already signed up for a sprint tri in August. I am going to sign up for an Olympic in July and a 10K race in September. In numerical terms,my goals are:

Weight: 150 (currently 164)
Body Fat Percentage: 24% (currently 28.9)
BMI: 23.5 (currently 25.7)
Waist: 32 inches (currently 36)

In less concrete terms: my goals are to feel good about my body again; to be able to wear MY clothes again; to be an exmple of healthy living for my daughter; to teach my daughter how to be active and strong and confident and to believe that she can do whatever she puts her mind to.

I know I can do it. It's just a matter of putting my mind to it and comitting myself.

Lent

2009-03-04T09:58:00.001-05:00

You might not believe this with my laziness of blogging here, but I am doing a daily Lenten blog for my church. Check it out at http://kucclent.wordpress.com.

Celebrating Pregnancy

2009-02-23T13:49:00.002-05:00

Today I suddenly feel like this pregnancy is concluding too quickly. It hasn't always been comfortable and some days I've felt really sick, yet... it is still so amazing to have this little person growing inside of me. I love it every time I feel the baby move. I love rubbing my belly and talking to the baby. I love the feeling of life being created within me. This may be the only time I get to experience being pregnant. I really want to do something to celebrate it and to cherish these last few weeks I have.

Growing Belly

2009-01-10T17:30:00.002-05:00

My belly just keeps getting bigger. It's fun to watch it grow!

The Jig

2009-01-07T10:16:00.002-05:00

This morning I had a dream in which I was a pirate. I was dancing this crazy jig around a street preacher who was trying to convert HB. When I woke from the dream Baby was dancing a crazy jig inside me. Did I have the dream because I felt Baby moving inside me? Or did Baby start dancing because of my dream? Either way, it's amazing to be so closely connected to this little being I haven't even met yet (or have I?)!

Sex Predictor

2008-12-17T14:55:00.003-05:00

Since we decided not to find out the baby's sex, I have been having fun looking at some old wives' tales that can supposedly predict the baby's sex. Even before I started looking at these, I have felt like I'm having a girl. But most of the old wives' tales also seem to point to me having a girl.

I cannot live without OJ right now - GIRL
My belly looks more like a watermelon than a basketball - GIRL
I cannot stand the crust on bread - GIRL
I'm craving sweets - GIRL
I've been craving fruit - GIRL
Baby's heartrate is over 140 - GIRL

but there is still a chance for a boy:

I'm carrying all the weight out front - BOY
HB is gaining weight along with me - BOY

We shall see, I guess. But I got my money on having a girl.

Return to Exercise

2008-12-16T14:14:00.002-05:00

Now that I am finally feeling better, we have been going to the gym a bit. At first I just rode the stationary bike or did the eliptical machine, but today I actually got to swim! I probably could have done that a few weeks ago, except for the tiny detail of needing a swimsuit that would fit. Although I still don't have an actual swim suit, I did figure out an outfit that would fit, adequately cover me, and not be too cumbersome in the water. I feel really great in the water! My back has been really bothering me this week and the weightlessness in the water was fabulous! I can't extend quite as far on my stroke, but other than that I almost feel normal and non-pregnant in the water. So, I'm hoping to spend a lot more time swimming over the next few months. It's not my favorite traithlon discipline, but at least it's something.

Movement... Hope...Advent

2008-12-03T09:58:00.003-05:00

Advent has taken on such a different meaning for me this year. Of course, I have always known that Advent is about epxectancy and waiting for a baby to be born. But oh how it takes on different meaning this year!

Baby has been moving like crazy these last couple weeks. Even as I type this I can feel Baby squirming around in there. It is such an amazing and crazy feeling! Now that I can feel Baby move it all seems more real. An actual baby, a new human being, is growing inside of me. I feel so powerful and creative and connected and humbled and awed and... scared out of my mind!

I can't get enough of Advent images and stories and prayers and reflections. I feel so connected to the season this year, to the feeling of waiting and expectancy. I know in a much more tangible way what it means to be both hopefully expectant and fearfully expectant. I wonder what Mary must have felt as she awaited Christ's brith. What did she think as she felt him squirming around inside her? Did she wonder, as I do, whether she was really ready for this task, this awesome responsibility? Did she really understand what having this child would mean for herself, for the world? Was she ready for the heartbreak in knowing that the joy of his birth in this world also meant the inevitability of his death and leaving this world? Did she wonder what he would be like, whether she could really love him, whather she would be a good parent... cause I do.

Hello Baby!

2008-11-25T10:06:00.003-05:00

we had our ultrasound yesterday. It was so exciting to see Baby! Himer (our gender neutral pronoun, since we didn't find out the sex) was swimming around like crazy and flipping about so the tech had a hard time getting a good picture. But baby seems to be in good health and has all the requisite appendages and such. Himer's weighing in at about 10 ounces. That's over half a pound already!

My waist is continuing to expand. Forunately a neighbor gave me three boxes of maternity clothes so I'm all set.

I've been feeling a lot more movement lately. Every now and then I get a good kick. HB actually felt one of the kicks this weekend. After the trouble we had at the beginning, it is so reassuring to feel baby moving around. I am looking forward to more consistent movement.

Belly!

2008-11-18T11:04:00.002-05:00

Well, here's my first belly shot. This was actually about two weeks ago - so, around 16 weeks. I have grown a bit since then. The pants I have on in this picture will no longer zip up. In fact, I finally had to break down and go buy some maternity pants.

It's so exciting to be showing! In the last two weeks I've had at least two strangers ask me if I'm expecting. It gives me a thrill... but I do think it's rather bold of them. I could just be a little chubby. Then there's the other strangers who aren't bold enough to ask, but give me a sweet little smile as they walk by, eyes transfixed on my belly.

I'm really enjoying my belly growth. I think it looks fabulous and I feel so good about my expanding waistline. How often in her life does a woman get to feel that way!

Though... I do look at my belly some days and think, "oh my, I have 5 more months of growing to go!"

2008-11-05T09:51:00.003-05:00

I have been in tears all morning - tears of excitement, tears of gratitude, tears of pride. It has been a long time since I have really felt a sense of patriotism, but I feel it so strongly this morning. And not soley because we just elected our first African American President, though that is a large part of it. But because for the first time I feel like I too have a right to feel patriotic. Despite the rhetoric in this country over the past many years that narrowly defines patriotism by a certain set of beliefs and values, I too can claim to be a patriot even as I question and express dissent. I too can claim to be a patriot even as I am not proud of some of actions this country has taken. I too can claim to be a patriot especially as I seek ways to make our country better and refuse to settle for the status quo.

I am also proud and moved this morning by the thought that my child will not remember a time (will not have lived in a time) when this country has not had an African American President. I pray that he or she will know that this country really means it when it says that All are created equal.

Movement?

2008-10-20T09:43:00.002-04:00

Two nights ago I awoke in the middle of the night for one of my many, nighttime bathroom trips. Before I convinced myself to get out of bed, I felt something shift in my pelvis. Since we've had a couple scares lately, I was at first worried something was wrong. After going to the bathroom and reassuring myself that all was well, I laid back down in bed and it occured to me that it could have been the baby moving.

Last night, again in the middle of the night, I had the sensation of something running across my belly. I actually swatted at it and searched around in the bed for the wayward pest that had intruded upon my sleep. Could it have been the baby moving?

Whoosh

2008-10-17T13:00:00.000-04:00

We got to hear the baby's heartbeat at my OB appointment on Wednesday. Doc let HB use the doppler on me to find the heartbeat. It was just the smallest whoosh, whoosh, whoosh... but it made me so teary. I can't stop thinking about that little heart beating away inside me.

Home Sweet Home

2008-10-09T16:17:00.002-04:00

I haven't written much about our new house, but I absolutely love it!

The community is really friendly and we have felt very welcomed there. A two year old lives next door and she often joins us for our evening dog walks. The other day our 13 year old neighbor wandered in while I was cooking dinner and asked to take the dog for a walk. When I looked out the window later, she and the dog were flying down the sidewalk with huge grins our their faces and rollerblades on her feet!

HB has gotten really involved in the farm work and the community work. She's seems to enjoy the physical labor after a long day of sitting in front of a computer. We're learning a lot about sustainability and gardening.

We were able to join the CSA and started collecting our shares a few weeks ago. It's an adventure each week to see what produce we get and then try to plan a week's worth of meals around that. Sometimes, it's more than we can eat in a week, so I'm learning some food preservation techinques. Hopefully, that means we can still be eating the farm's produce in the winter - at least a little bit. For now, I'm just freezing stuff, so we're looking to buy a bigger freezer. But I hope to start doing at least some canning in the near future.

Like I said, we're really enjoying it in our new place. It already feels like home.

ER trip

2008-09-30T09:32:00.002-04:00

This has been a scary week. After church on Sunday, I started bleeding. I called the doc, who told me I needed to go to the ER. Of course, I was freaking out the whole way there. But once we got to the ER, I started to relax some and tried to just concentrate on sending lots of positive energy to the baby. They did some blood work and and ultrasound. Everything came back normal. They could see the baby's heart beating on the ultrasound and said baby was still growing appropriately. The ER doc said some women bleed during the first trimester and go on to have normal, healthy pregnancies. There's nothing they can do to stop the bleeding. So now we just wait and pray that baby continues to be healthy and strong.

First ultrasound

2008-09-24T15:57:00.002-04:00

We got to see our little kumquat today!! He/she is about 1 1/2 inches long now and was giving us a wave. The doctor could see the hear beating and tried to point it out, but I couldn't tell anything. It was so cool to see that Yes, there actually is a baby in there!

We had the ultrasound because, unfortunately, I was having a little complication. The OB doesn't seem to worried about it and just wants to take a wait and see approach. His lack of concern helped ease our fears a bit, which is good.

I'm pregnant!

2008-08-09T05:35:00.002-04:00

Thursday night I has a dream that I took a positive pregnancy test, but I couldn't believe it. So I took 30 more. I woke up Friday with this feeling of elation. HB asked me if I wanted to test for real, but I was too scared and said no. I just didn't want to lose that happy feeling.

All day Friday I started to feel like I might really be pregnant. But I convinced myself that the tests I had were going to come up negative and I needed to buy some new tests. So, HB and I went out to the store and bought some. Turns out I couldn't wait any longer. So, as soon as I got home I took one. A very faint line appeared - but a line is a line!

We decided to go to sleep and take another test in the morning to confirm. I hardly slept from excitement. At 4:50 this morning I woke up and took a digital test that confirmed - I am pregnant!

House?

2008-07-31T15:45:00.002-04:00

After much drama, I think we are almost in the clear with the new house. It has been a crazy week of back and forth with the inspection and the appraisal not quite coming back as hoped. But, I think we've come to a resolution everyone can be happy about.

I am so excited to move! This will actually be my 29th move in all of my 29 years. HB is probably hoping I decide to stay put... at least for a couple years.

We've been studying the floor plans and trying to decide where to put things. HB has a list of projects for the new place. The most important thing to me is to give the house a thorough energy clearing before we move even one item of ours into the place. The seller is so sad every time I see her and has such a low energy about her that I just want to clear that energy out of the house and start fresh. I've already planned what our energy clearing "ceremony" will be like and can't wait to get started!

New House!

2008-07-22T13:18:00.002-04:00

We just signed a contract last night on a new house. If everything goes according to plan we will be closing on Aug. 15th and hopefully beginning to move in on Aug. 16th. I am very excited about this new place! It has the potential for much more space than we have now. More later....

British Columbia (part one)

2008-07-21T12:43:00.003-04:00

I just got back from a weeklong vacation in British Columbia, Canada. It was a most enjoyable trip.

I love the West Coast. I lived in Monterrey, CA for two years as a child and it has always been my favorite of all the places I have lived. I do not have any recollections of going to the beach before we lived in California, though I'm sure we did. So, my image of a beach is waves crashing against rocky cliffs. Long sandy beaches certainly have their charms, but nothing feels like going to the beach to me as much as sitting on a rock, bundled up in a jacket and feeling the spray of the crashing waves.

Even way up north in Victoria, the air smelled just like my memories of Monterrey. That mix of salty air, cedars and firs, some eucalptus thrown in, and various other fragrant seaside vegetation. I felt transported back to my childhood climbing the rocks, searching for tide pools, and scanning the ocean for any signs of sea life.I wish I lived on the West coast.

Callaway Gardens Sprint Triathlon

2008-06-22T20:03:00.003-04:00

I woke up this morning at 3 a.m. The alarm wasn't to go off until 3:30, but I was too excited to sleep anymore. Really, I hadn't slept much for being so pumped up about this race. I lay in bed most of the night wondering how much more nervous I would feel if I were doing an Ironman today. For some reason, that was my consistent thought throughout the day. What would a 2.4 mile swim feel like? Could I really spend almost 8 hours on a bike? Would my knee hold out for the marathon at the end? I want to do an Ironman so badly. Every other triahtlon race feels like preparation for that goal.

Anyway, back to today's race. We got to Callaway in plenty of time. I got an end spot on the transition rack right next to the bike exit! I had plenty of time to warm up and get my transition area situated. HB wasn't doing this race, so she was there helping me stretch and fetching stuff I needed. With about 45 minutes to go, we walked over to the swim start and I swam a few yards in the lake to calm myself down. In my last race I really panicked in the water at the start of the swim. Warming up with a swim this time helped keep me calm.

I was competing in the Athena class, so I went out in the last wave. I didn't see many other women, just lots of big clydesdale men. I was some where in the middle and a little scared one of them might crush me. Turns out I probably should have started at the front as I spent most of the swim trying to manuver around and pass these big guys. The swim felt great, though. No panic and I was nice and smooth through out. I actually passed groups of folks from the 2 earlier waves.

Coming out of the water into transition was a long run. And because I was by the bike exit, I had even farther to run. This actually turned out to be perfect. Usually my heart rate is so out of control from adrenaline coming out of the water. The run to my bike, somehow, helped me focus and calm down. My transition was very smooth. But I definitely want to get real road bike shoes with no laces.

The bike was great. My average speed was 18mph which is super fast for me. Last race my average was 15 mph. The first couple miles felt perfect, but then my stomach started to rebel. I was drinking gatorade (which I always drink), but thought maybe I wasn't drinking enough. I am often very dehydrated at the end of a race because I forget to drink. So, I tried drinking more, until I realized that one more sip of sugar was going to make me hurl. Unfortunately, I only had gatorade with me. A little more than halfway through, I passed a woman struggling on the bike, I heard her mention to a friend that she had forgotten her gel. Since I knew I was through with sugar for the day, I ripped my gel off the bike and handed it ot her as I passed. My stomach issues got a little better once I stopped drinking, but not completely... and I was getting very thirsty.

But I made it back to transition. HB was just walking up to the bike return as I dismounted. She almost didn't see me till I called her name. She looked confused and said, "what are you doing back here so quickly?" I had told her to figure 40 minutes at best for me to return on the bike. I was back in 30 minutes. Bike to run transition was very quick. I grabbed the water bottle I had in transition and started downing some water and pouring it over myself.

The run was okay. I had really pushed myself on the bike, so I didn't have a whole lot left for the run. Plus, I haven't really had a good run since my last triathlon in April. I could have done with a few more training runs. I pretty much emptied my water coming out of transition. So at the halfway aid station I was hoping to get more water, but they only had gatorade. Not going to work! So, I forged ahead waterless. It's not like the race was all that long, I probably could have done the whole thing without drinking at all. However, I have been fighting off a cold since Friday and my energy level was just not up to par, so I really needed that water. The last half mile of the run my knee decided it didn't appreciate racing after two months of lack luster training. But I made it to the end anyway. HB met me at the finish line and bought me a nice, salty pretzel from the concession stand!

My goal for this race had been 1:15; and my actual over all time was 1:06:04! I won third place in the Athena class.

I can't wait for the next race. I'm already planning in my head how I can improve my times in each discipline to get just a little bit faster. And I definitely think it's time to get a real tri bike!!!

Tri-ing to distract myself

2008-06-16T15:39:00.002-04:00

Since we had to take this month off from trying to conceive, I decided to register for another triathlon. It's this coming weekend and is a short sprint - 400m swim, 9 mile bike, and 2 mile run. I didn't want to attempt anything more than a spring since I haven't really been training since the last tri. I figured this distance would be just about right.

I am really excited about the triathlon. My heart starts racing just thinking about running up from the beach toward my bike, feeling myself slice through the wind on my bike, shaking off the brick legs as I start on the run, and smiling all the way through the finish. I've only done two triahtlons so far, but both were such amazingly fun experiences that I am addicted!

Absence

2008-06-14T13:23:00.001-04:00

Since I last posted, I completed my triathlon in April, we are trying to get our house ready to put on the market, I got a promotion, and we are in the beginning stages of trying to conceive.

First, the triathlon was great fun! I actually won first place in the Athena division. I couldn't believe it as I've never won any atheletic event. But I got to go up to the podium and have a medal hung around my neck. I felt like such a champion!

The house decision might be a whim. We weren't really looking to move and we don't have to move, so why would we decide to put our house on the market with current state of the real estate market? Well, we accidentally found this house we like in this community that we absolutely love. It's a co-housing community situated on 20 acres with a 5 acre organic farm. It seems like the perfect place for us. So, we're putting the house up on the off chance that we'll sell before the house we wants sells or when we finally do sell another house will have become available in the community.

The promotion has me supervising our parenting education and providing in-home parenting education to at-risk parents. It's a good thing and it comes with more money. I hope the new focus will give me a challenge and help keep my interest.

And, finally, baby-making. HB and I actually decided in December that we were ready to go ahead and start working towards me getting pregnant. It's been a lot of upfront work (and I'm sure it will be even more work once baby gets here!). We asked HB's brother to be our donor and he agreed. He seems to be completely on the same page as us about what his relationship to the child will be like. Then, of course, we had all sorts of legal and logistical things to work out. We actually had our first try in May. No luck on that round. We had to take this month off due to scheduling problems. But we're hoping for another good shot in July!

Cumberland Island

2008-03-24T13:55:00.000-04:00

Over the Easter weekend we spent two days on Cumberland Island. It is definitely one of my most favorite places. The weather was perfect - sunny skies, mild temperatures, and not too many bugs.

We backpacked to one of the back country sites and then spent most of our time exploring the beach. Cumberland has very few visitors anyway, but as you walk farther north on the island you see even less people. At one point in our walking, we couldn't see a single person in either direction. I love the solitude and quiet that the island offers - the chance to truly be still for a moment.

I had been sad about being away from my church community over the Easter holiday, but I need not have worried. As is so often the case, I felt more alive and more spiritually connected during our time on Cumberland than even the most moving worship service could have done. All weekend words from a poem in Mary Oliver's most recent collection ran through my head, "love of nature and love of You are having such a long conversation in my heart."

Friends

2008-03-19T11:02:00.002-04:00

This morning at our Lenten service we talked about friends. Some folks shared stories about lifelong friendships they have had, others about being reminded of just how many friends they had in the midst of some personal tragedy, and others about forming new bonds of friendship through church or just the happy circumstance of walking the same route in the mornings. I didn't get the chance to share, but many friends were certainly on my heart.

The story I would have shared is of my friend GR. GR and his wife are coming to visit next week actually! They live many states away and I haven't seen him in almost a year. GR and I went to seminary together. He lived in the same apartment complex as me, and we became fast friends. We would often run or walk together in the mornings before class which provided occasion for great discussions of various kinds.

One morning, after having known each other for almost three years, GR and I were discussing marriage and the church's stance against same-sex unions. At the time, we both belonged to a denomination that would not perform such unions. GR was preparing to go before the ordination board and knew how he would have to answer if they asked him if he would perform a same-sex union. I could tell it pained him to say this to me, especially as he added that he would not be able to officiate at my wedding one day. Of course, I said, I would never ask him to do that and potentially jeopardize his career. And I knew it was not because he believed any of what the church said about same-sex relationships.

Not 10 minutes after we returned to our separate apartments, I heard a knock at my door. GR was standing there, obviously needing to say something. I invited him in. He told me that he had given it great thought and no matter what the church said or what consequences it might bring he would be willing to perform my wedding because he loved me and it was the right thing to do.

I'm not even sure I was dating anyone at the time, and I would never ask him to do something like that, but it was such a gesture of love and friendship. I will never forget how good it feels to have a friend who loves me enough to be willing to put himself and his career on the line for me like that.

I can't wait to see him next week!

Calling - The Good Doctor

2008-03-12T13:23:00.003-04:00

HB and I go to the same doctor for sports med issues. I started going there last August for problems with my legs and knees related to running. HB follow after a nasty crash on her bike. He's a chiropractor, but is also certified in a variety of techniques for soft tissue work. He specifically markets himself to triathletes in the area. He's very good at what he does and has helped me tremendously.

Every time I go in for treatment I am impressed by how much he seems to love his work. It seems that he is doing exactly what he wants to be doing. I can feel that love for his work in the way he treats me as a patient. I am usually in the office for about an hour, and he probably only spends 15 minutes with me, but I feel like he was working with me for the entire hour. In those 15 minutes he is completely there with me and I know that my health and my recovery are important to him. And in the time when I am waiting, he will pop his head in the room to say hello or check on how I'm doing or let me know how long before he can get to me. I can see it in the way he interacts with his other patients as well - the easy rapport he has with them, the interest and commitment he shows for their progress.

I think at least part of the reason I have made so much progress is because I believe that he is a good doctor and, therefore, can help me successfully heal from my injuries. I don't know that I would believe so strongly that he is a good doctor if he didn't so clearly love his work.

This must be what a calling or a vocation is - finding work that one loves passionately and finding such joy in that work.

Abraham and Isaac

2008-03-05T09:32:00.002-05:00

I woke up in a bad mood this morning, went to church for our early morning Lenten service, and the scripture for the morning was God calling Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. Didn't do much to help my mood. The conversation focused on what a deep faith Abraham must have had to be able to follow that command from God. The minister read a reflection on the story that compared this request from God to the unreasonable things love sometimes asks of us. The idea was that this was God's way of testing Abraham's love for him (and I mean "him", no mother god would ever ask a person to sacrifice their child). Does this not sound like middle school to you? Having to prove one's love or devotion through some ridiculous demonstration of fidelity? Doesn't God know his heart? Hasn't Abraham proved himself enough already?

All I could say was, "If God asked me to do that, I'd have to go shopping for another God." I don't mean to be blasphemous or anything like that, but, this morning, I just can't reconcile that story with what I believe God to be about.

Bikes, bodies, and babies

2008-03-04T14:35:00.002-05:00

HB was given an old, Bianchi road bike by a friend who doesn't ride anymore. Since, I'm the designated bike mechanic in our family, I've been busy cleaning it up and restoring it to good working order. It's actually not in bad shape - a bit rusted, very dirty, and in need of some minor adjustments, but in overall good shape. I love working on a bike. The last couple days it has been especially nice with the weather warm enough to "set up shop" in my backyard. I love the hands on work and the satisfaction that comes from doing something with immediate, visible results. While I work, I fantasize about what it would be like to really learn how to be a bike mechanic and have my own bike shop somewhere. It seems more and more that most of my happy and peaceful moments have something to do with bikes.

This morning I went for a bike ride despite thickening rain. It was actually so pleasant! Not many folks were out in the early morning rain, so I felt like I had the streets to myself. The air was warm enough that the rain was welcomed, and it seemed to clear my head and calm my spirit. Every time I hop on my bike to take a ride I feel a bit like a kid. I love the feeling of the wind on my face and the lightness and quickness of moving through the streets on my bike. I am always astonished with all that my body can do and the power it can generate to get me from one place to another with no other engine than myself.

As I rode today, I was thinking a lot about my body. HB and I are planning for me to get pregnant sometime this year. We won't start trying until after our triathlon in April, and I have been having all kinds of interesting feelings about these (potentially) last two months pre-pregnancy. In just the last couple years, I have finally come to a place where I love my body. Running and dancing and cycling have had a lot to do with that. I am a bit sad that I have only just reached a place where I can say without hesitation that I love my body and soon my body will change dramatically and will no longer be just mine. And not that I won't love my body for being able to create and sustain life - because I will. And not that I think I have to give up the physical activities that I love - because I won't. And not even that I think I won't be able to love my body post pregnancy. It will just be different. I grieve the loss of the intimacy and familiarity I have with my body now and the freedom I have. Right now it's just me in this body, and, hopefully, someday soon I will share this body with someone else. I do grieve that change, even as I eagerly anticipate being pregnant and having children.

AIDS Walk/Run Athens

2008-03-01T18:00:00.003-05:00

HB's son, LP, was the director for the first AIDS Walk/Run in Athens. We drove up to participate in the 5k run and then stayed for the walk. LP and the other students from AIDS Athens did a wonderful job of putting this event together. HB looked so proud at the fantastic job her son did and how calm and confident he seemed throughout the day. She also commented on what a good leader he was. He was so thoughtful and respectful to everyone he interacted with throughout the day from the race participants to the volunteers to the police officers directing traffic.

The 5k race was fun, but extremely hilly. I think the whole last mile was all uphill. Still, we finished one minute faster than my previous record for a 5k. HB actually came in second for her age group! Here she is with her prize winnings.

The turn out for the walk was impressive for a first year event. LP and his crew really did a marvelous job of getting the word out and getting people excited about participating.

Where I go in my daydreams

2008-02-27T15:51:00.004-05:00

Lately, my fantasy world has been consumed with thoughts about triathlon. Whether it is reading books or magazines, planning my training schedule, fantacizing about the races I will do, or drooling over pictures of the bikes I want to buy, I spend most of my time thinking about triathlon. It's a great distraction when I get stressed or down about other things in my life.

So many things appeal to me about triathlon. Probably the biggest thing is that it doesn't create in me the same drive for perfcetion and achievement that so characterizes my life. I am a back-of-the-packer, always will be, and it doesn't diminish my enthusiasm for the sport or cause me any anxiety at all. I love being out there running and biking and even swimming no matter how fast or slow I go. It is so nice to retreat into this place within myself that does need to be the best.

I really want this bike. It's not a super fancy tri bike. It's not even a well-known brand, much less a brand that specializes in tri bikes. But I love this bike. And I've never even taken a test ride. I think it's the color. Sometimes when I am feeling down, I go to REI just to look at it. I take her off the rack, examine every component, and imagine how it would feel to be racing down the road on her. Someday I am going to buy this bike. And maybe someday sooner I'll actually go and take a test ride.

Questioning

2008-02-26T19:25:00.006-05:00

Right now I work as a pregnancy counselor for an adoption agency. I don't consider myself to be a social worker, and I didn't set out to find a career in the adoption field. This job just happened to open up in the midst of my search for a ministry job. My search was not going well, I needed a job, and it seemed like something I would enjoy doing in the meantime.

It's been a year now and sometimes I'm not so sure I really believe in what I am doing.

I have so many questions and uncertainties about adoption. It seems the ethical issues are endless, even in a reputable agency like the one I work for. When I tell people what I do, their reaction is often, "Wow, that must be so rewarding!" or "That's cool. How many babies have you saved?" Seriously, people ask me that. It seems the only side of adoption people consider is the happy moment when the adoptive family welcomes a new baby into their home. Or, they only see adoption as a way of saving lives from abortion.

What about the pain and suffering that the birth mother goes through when she signs the surrender of her parental rights? What about the fact that this child, who had no say in the matter, starts his or her life by losing his/her own family? Yes, the child will have an adoptive family that very much wanted and loves him/her, but that doesn't negate the fact that she/he suffered a major loss in the process.

Maybe I think about these things too much because I only work with birth parents. I don't have any contact with the adoptive parents, and my last contact with the baby is when I take custody of the baby at the hospital and give her to the adoptive couple or the foster mom.

My least favorite part of my job is when I am taking the birth mom's surrenders. I have to read aloud to her the surrender of her parental rights before she signs the papers. I get choked up almost every time when I read the part about surrendering her rights totally and completely. Since I am reading the document she will sign, it is written in the first person. I think that's what gets me, having to say "I surrender..."

I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. In some ways, I'm glad it's me who is working with these moms. I try, in my counseling, to help my clients find any way they can to parent their child and only turn to adoption as a last resort. And, at least I think about these things and wrestle with all the ethical issues and emotional consequences of adoption. I meet many people in this field who don't share my doubts and questions about adoption. They only see the good in adoption. And it's not that I don't see some good in adoption. There have been some instances where adoption really did feel like the best choice. But I am just too aware of all that makes me feel uneasy about adoption to call it good unequivocally.

Tri-ing

2008-02-25T16:42:00.003-05:00

HB and I were given free entries to a sprint triathlon at the end of April. We did our first triahtlon (olympic distance) in Septmeber and had such a blast that we couldn't pass up this opportuntiy. So, we officially began our training this morning with a swim. It's been several months since I last got in the pool. HB hurt her shoulder after Christmas and we just haven't been to swim. I felt a little bit awkward in the water at first, but by the end I was feeling pretty good. Swimming is my least favorite of the three sports. Mostly because I hate being cold and it seems pretty unavoidable that at some point during my swim workout I will get cold. The worst is leaving the Y on a cold morning with wet hair and then having to walk the dog! However, I am a much better swimmer than I am a runner or cyclist. It's probably the discipline in which I have the best chance of not finishing last. In fact, I might even finish in the in the middle of the pack, maybe even the front of the middle. So, I'm determined to put some real attention on my swimming this time, and maybe as the weather warms up I'll learn to like it.

New Year's Resolution

2008-02-24T19:07:00.008-05:00

HB and I made one, joint resoultion for the year - to hike, camp or backpack at least one time per month. We didn't make it in January. We had reservations at a campsite for Martin Luther King weekend, but it snowed that weekend. We're hardy gals and all, but...

So for February we met my best friend from high shcool, S, and her fiance, J, in Chattanooga and went hiking. It started off looking like a nasty day. When we got to the trail head it was raining and cold. S looked a little skeptical, but we decided to brave it anyway. It stopped raining not too long into the hike and by the middle of the day the skies had cleared and it had warmed up quite nicely.

The trail wound through all sorts of fascinating rock formations. HB and I climbed up in this hole that had formed in one of the rock cliffs. It's amazing to me how some small force, probably a trickle of water from a spring, could eventually create this hole in the face of the rock. Someone told me the other day that it took her seven years to get her first full-time job as a chaplain. You might think that would have sounded depressing to me. Seven years is a long time. Actually, it was a relief to me. My thought was, "Okay, eventually it does happen ."

HB recently got a GPS device and has been anxious to try it out in the woods. J also just got one as a Christmas present. So the two of them enjoyed comparing their devices and tracking our coordinates.

The beginning of the trail had two flights or metal stairs leading down to the ridgeline. The stairs were not solid; standing on them felt a little like standing on a grate in a city sidewalk. Springer always walks around the grates at home and was terrified of these stairs. I guess she thought there was nothing solid to stand on. After encountering them the first time, she turned and ran away. HB finally had to carry her down the stairs. This picture is at the end of the day carrying Springer back up the stairs. What a spoiled dog!

Next month, we will be heading down to St. Mary's, GA to visit HB's family for Easter. We have reservations to camp one night on Cumberland Island. We spent four days there a few years ago and loved it. I'm excited about returning, even if for only one night.

Beauty

2008-02-19T16:14:00.005-05:00

Last night I helped serve dinner at a local shelter. I organize my church's participation in the dinner rotation for this shelter. The shelter is open every year from October -May and houses the same 30 men all season. The hope is that by providing the men with stable shelter, a place to keep their belongings, showers, and a hot meal every night they can move towards self-sufficiency and a permanent housing situation by May. Every night of the week a different church in the area prepares and serves dinner.

Some nights I get to interact with the guys more than others. Last night, I spent most of the meal eating with and talking to Eli. He had commented, as he passed through the serving line, that when he won the lottery, he was going to marry me (because he really like the chili I cooked). Later I saw him talking to one of the other women from my church, I sat down and jokingly asked, "Is he trying to pick you up to?" My joke unwittingly sparked a deep story from Eli about the meaning of beauty.

Eli told us that several years ago he was in a serious motorcycle accident. Before the accident he was beautiful in every physical sense. He talked about his striking mix of African and Egyptian facial features, his long dread locks, and his confident attitude. He seemed proud of the physical beauty God had blessed him with and deeply ashamed of how he had used it. Eli confessed to possessing an attitude of superiority and a tendency to treat others, especially women, as objects. He used to pride himself in being able to obtain any woman he desired. As a result of the accident, Eli's nose was smashed, he lost his eyebrows, and his jaw was severely disfigured. He ended up losing even more than his good looks, as the medical bills depleted his financial resources and the depression that ensued prevented him from sustaining a job. But Eli says he is grateful for the accident. He figures that the accident, and subsequent change of lifestyle, saved him from a path that would likely have ended with him contracting HIV. He believes the drastic change in his looks has forced him to come to terms with some other ugly parts of himself. He now longs for a genuine connection with people, based on more than their physical appearance. And he sees beauty in an entirely new way.

It's almost a cliche story, but it was told so sincerely and it is so true. Beauty takes so many forms, and it can't be limited to a certain image or a certain physical characteristic. It is about so much more than what is on the surface. Eli still worries that the changes in his face make him unattractive, but while he told his story, he seemed beautiful to me.

Mornings

2008-02-15T09:14:00.002-05:00

For the last few months, I have not particularly enjoyed my walks with the dog in the morning. I do it because she needs the exercise and doesn't seem to mind the cold and dark. I bundle up in all my warmest clothes, and we walk quickly to keep me warm. I still have time to think, but the meditative sense gets lost in the anticipation of returning to a cozy house.

I've also been a little uneasy since I heard some gunfire outside my house one night, and especially since the hiker was killed in North Georgia while walking with her dog. Prior to that, having my dog with me gave me a sense of security, but it's gone now.

When I went to walk the dog this morning, it was the first time in many months that it has been completely light out for the whole walk. The sunrise was so inviting, and we altered our usual route to walk toward the pink and orange sky. I also noticed, for the first time this year, the trees beginning to bud. Some had just the tiniest hint of a bud on the ends of their branches and some had as much as a little bit of color starting to emerge.

I love this time of year, when one season begins to melt into another. I especially love this change when the light returns and new life begins to stir. My spirit felt lifted this morning and a sense of peace returned. I know there is much for me to learn in the barren and scary places, but I do love when new life returns.

My view

2008-01-31T09:50:00.000-05:00

This is the view from my office window. When I moved into this office, my first act was to rearrange the furniture so I could easily see out the window from my desk. At first I merely wanted to be able to see outside and daydream about being under the sun instead of harsh, flourescent lights. I was excited that my view included a pretty church with several trees instead of the side of another sky scraper.

It didn't occur to me until today what significance it might have that a church is in my view. I spend much of my day gazing at the cross and wishing I were somewhere other than here. Mostly, I wish I were in a church somewhere serving as a pastor or in a hospital serving as a chaplain.

I miss being a chaplain so much. Fortunately, I just got an on-call position as a chaplain at a local hospital. I can't wait for my first call!

One Car

2008-01-30T11:54:00.000-05:00

We have decided to get rid of our Pathfinder and make a go at being a one car family. Since we bought the hybrid in the fall, we have pretty much been doing that anyway, but at least we had the other vehicle to fall back on if we needed it. We haven't actually donated the Pathfinder yet, but it's not safe to drive, so we really just have the one vehicle.

Maybe the novelty will wear off with time, but it's actually kind of cool to learn how to negotiate with one another how we will use the car for the week. I drop HB off at her office on the way to my office in the morning. Mostly, I pick her up again in the afternoon. But if I have to go somewhere other than home after work, she can take the train and then walk home from the train station.

The month of February will be the real test. HB is playing percussion for a musical out in Gwinnett County and will need the car almost everyday after work to get to rehearsals. I have several out of town trainings this month as well. I'm sure we'll work it out and be all the better for it. And if we can survive February, then this one car thing will be a piece of cake!

Christmas Alternatives

2008-01-03T12:41:00.000-05:00

For Christmas, we drove up to my parents' house in Virginia. It was actually a very nice holiday. I don't get to see my family often since they live so far away, so it was good to spend time with them.

My dad is "babysitting" a friend's motorcycle for the year and was excited to show it off. We all took a turn sitting on it, but no one trusted him enough to take a spin. He and my mom just got their motorcycle licenses this summer as my dad's birthday gift to my mom! This picture is me, my dad, and my nephew - Buzz Lightyear.

I had been worried about how our Christmas gifts would be received by my family. HB and I had decided to get them each something small and then make a donation in their names to an organization that might mean something to them. That's not my family's typical way of doing Christmas, but it went over really well. I think they were touched that we had put the thought into choosing organizations that would be significant to them. My dad was especially impressed that I, pacifist that I am, would make a donation to the Marine Corps Foundation. I'm glad we took a chance with that idea.

Tis the Season

2007-12-03T16:00:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend, HB and I did a little Christmas shopping. The item we bought for each other was something we found used on craigslist, but the other items were all new. I guess it got me thinking more about the whole consumerist aspect of Christmas. We certainly won't go in debt with our Christmas spending, we won't even come close. But I do feel caught up in the consumer culture just the same.

I've been sitting here thinking about other ways of giving gifts to my loved ones this year. I've come up with lots of good ideas, but then I worry about what they'll think. Will they feel cheated? Or think I'm a cheapskate? Will they even get it? Or just think I'm some crazy communist who has something against capitalism?

May we all find ways to give gifts of love this year.

Giving Thanks

2007-11-27T11:14:00.000-05:00

I had a very nice thanksgiving. HB and I traveled to the mountains in North Carolina to be with her family for the weekend. Through a mixture of car troubles and getting lost, we actually missed the meal. Not a big deal for me. I'm a vegetarian, so I couldn't eat anything they were serving anyway. My meal was packed with us, and since everyone was stuffed when we finally arrived, I got it all to myself!

The rest of the weekend was spent relaxing at the cabin and hiking to see various waterfalls. At one of the falls, we started on a hike down to the river basin. Though we had to turn around before we reached the river ( so we didn't get caught in the dark), the hike down was gorgeous! That side of the mountain was still awash in autumn colors. I found myself wishing I had my tent, so we could pitch it and make camp for the night.

I often long to be outside more than I am. The outdoors feels so peaceful to me. Sure I get a little jumpy from the sounds at night, and I don't really care for creepy crawlies. But my heart feels still when I am deep in the woods. Mother nature is calling to me.

HB and I decided that we will try to set aside a minimum of one weekend a month for camping/hiking/canoeing. My soul needs it.

Transportation

2007-11-20T12:51:00.000-05:00

I want this to be my primary mode of transportation. Yet somehow, when it comes down to it, I always make excuses for why I need to drive. Maybe I only think I want to travel by bike more...

I think it's just a matter of putting my mind to it. At my previous job, I commuetd by bike combined with public transport a couple times a week. The other days, I drove to the train station and took the train to work. I would even walk from various train stops to run errands on the way home. But somehow, with this new job, I have stopped those practices. I can see a train station from my office window, and yet... Granted, my job requires travel on most days and I, unfortunately, need my car to get to homevisits all over the metro area. However, I doubt I will leave the office today, and I still drove my car.

Probably the easiest change for me would be using my bike as my primary transportation after work. HB and I saw an ad for a bike trailer about 50% off. We might buy it for a Christmas present to each other. We sometimes bike to the grocery store, but can only get as much as our backpacks will hold. The trailer would enable us to do all our grocery shopping by bike. And then the dog could go with us on long bike rides for fun!

2007-11-18T18:19:00.001-05:00

Today was a relaxing day, mostly spent outside. I rode my bike through some of the neighborhoods around me and took some pictures of fall.

HB and I worked in the yard. She moved the compost pile back to its original spot. I worked on planting a few fall/winter seeds in the planter box next to the back door. I thought I might turn the garden under for the winter, but a few plants were still going strong... so, I'll leave them a little longer. Yesterday we started collecting graywater from our shower, so I was able to use that to water my garden. It felt good to take that one little step toward being more ecologically responsible.

After our yard work, we took the dog for a walk around the neighborhood. An empty lot, one street over from us, has maybe half a dozen pecan trees on it. So, we stopped and gathered pecans. We probably collected a pound or so. HB cracked a few open as we walked home. They tasted so sweet and fresh. I felt this sense of connection with the earth as I ate them. The whole experience was joyful. Like when I pick a tomato from the plant in my garden, and I feel so delighted and proud and it tastes better than any tomato I've ever eaten. I can't help but smile and know that I am a part of the earth and the earth is a part of me. And I tell her thank you, as I return the scraps back to the earth in my compost pile.

Beginnings

2007-11-16T18:39:00.001-05:00

I have been experiencing considerable anxiety of late. Much of it stems from having dreams about the way I want my life to be and being unable to see how to realize those dreams (at least in the time frame I desire...meaning, now).

But I realize that I only have right now, this moment. I want to enjoy every moment of my life and not merely long for the life I could have. And, I can make little changes along the way, until, without even realizing it, I have been living the life I dreamed all along.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
-Thoreau

Tugaloo Olympic Triathlon

2007-09-16T09:21:00.000-04:00

Tugaloo Olympic Triathlon 2007-09-15
Lavonia, Georgia
79F / 26CSunny
Triathlon - Olympic Total Time = 3h 48m 33s
Overall Rank = 412/448
Age Group = 25-29
Age Group Rank = 14/15

Pre-race routine: I woke up about 20 till 4:00 to finish loading the car and secure the bikes on the bike rack. Left the house a few minutes after 4:00. Ate a whole wheat bagel with cream cheese in the car on the way there. The drive was just under 2 hours. Being the non-driver, I dozed off a couple times in the car. We parked the car at Tugaloo right at 6:00 and proceeded to get dressed and unload the bikes in the dark.

Event warmup:Since this was my first triathlon, I didn't have a well worked out routine for the hour and a half I had before race start. I went to get body maarked, picked up my timing chip, and headed to the transition area. After setting everything up I figured I ought to warm up a little, so I jogged a little around the race start/finish area. Some friends were having a little trouble setting something up, so I helped them and then went to stretch. I got a good bit of stretching in before they announced that the transition area would close in 10 minutes. I realized I hadn't put any sunblock on and got a little panicked. I did that quickly and then headed down to the start area.

Swim:When I got to the beach, I didn't have my glasses on (they were in transition where they were supposed to be), and that meant I couldn't see anything. The race director started to describe the swim course and I couldn't see any of the buoys! That got me a little panicked again, but I just prayed I would be able to see each one as I got closer to it. And hopefully the people around me had good eyesight. It was a time trial start and I'm guessing I started at least 15 minutes after the first person. After running into the water, I swam too fast and hard for the first 25-50 yards, mostly because of excitement. But I was able to talk myself down. I felt really good and strong in the water. I kept passing lots of people. But my goggles quickly fogged up and pairing that with my bad eyesight, I had no clue where I was going. When I finaly spotted the first buoy, I was way off course. The rest of the swim course went pretty much the same. I would swim really well and pass lots of people, but then get a bit off course and lost a little time. I did finally get a little better at folowing the people around me closer to the end. Which was good, because the sun was shining right in my eyes headed back in and I was completely blinded! Even with the sighting problems, the swim turned out much better than I anticipated. I wasn't scared at all in the water and although I swallowed a ton of lake water, I felt light and fast in my stroke.

What would you do differently?:Buy prescription goggles and get some better anti-fog. Practice sighting more. I think swimming could possibly be my strongest of the three.

T1:Coming out of the water, my heart rate was out of control. It was a long run up from the beach to the transition area. By the time I got to my spot I was out of breath. I had practiced trnasition quite a bit, so I knew exactly what to do and could have gone faster, but I needed to sit still for a minute to let my heart rate drop. It didn't, so I took off anyway.

What would you do differently?:There are little things I could do like get bike shoes with velcro instead of laces. But the most limiting factor was my heart rate being so out of control coming out of the water.

Bike:I started the bike with my heart rate way up and it took me 3-4 miles to calm down. I probably went too hard for those first few miles, but I was able to finally talk myself down and get into a rhythm. I was really happy about the pace I was able to keep, even though on some of the uphills I felt like I might start rolling backward. I got into a rhythm of trading places with Elaine from TNT. She was faster than me on the straight flats, but I kept catching her on the climbs. She finally passed me for good at mile 13. At abouyt mile 5, I saw the first five cyclists come through headed back toward the transition area. They looked so strong and fast. It was quite inspiring! About 20 minutes into the ride I realized I hadn't been drinking anything. I had trouble remembering to drink for the rest of the ride and only finished about half of one bottle over almost two hours. I ate my gu's every half hour as planned though. Toward the end of the ride I began to feel kind of sluggish in my legs. There was one long flat section and it was the hardest part for me! I guess my legs were so shot from hills by that point that the constant pedaling of the flats was too much work. I kept trying to remind myself that I still had to run and not to push too hard. At about mile 24, I started to get some cramps in my side. At that point realized I hadn't drunk nearly enough fluid and started paying more attention to the drnking. I decided that when I got to transition I would walk my bike and start the run walking so I could let go of these cramps. My last two miles of the bike were considerably slower than the rest of the ride, but it's what I needed to do to be able to do the run.

What would you do differently?:Pay attention to staying hydrated! Do more hill work in training. But really, I felt so good out there and I'm happy with my performance.

T2:From the moment I dismounted, I walked until a minute into the run. The cramps were gone by the time I finished in transition and as soon as I took my bike shoes off, my toes regained some feeling. This transition was very smooth, if a bit slow due to the walking.

What would you do differently?:I probably would have shaved some time off if I had run through the transition, but then I would have started the run feeling awful and probably just lost the time I gained.

Run:This was a 10K PR for me!! Woohoo!! I felt really good for the first three miles and was happy with the steady decline in my spilts. The first mile felt good, if a little sluggish after just coming off the bike. The second mile was mostly uphill and I was shocked to see that my spilt was slightly faster than the first mile. On mile three I was starting to feel my knee, so I ran backward down a particularly steep hill. Part of that mile I ran with some one who was part of a relay team. She was a bit faster than me and I eventually had to drop back, but it was nice to chat. And, it got me my fastest split! After that my times started creeping back up. I had seen a friend who was about a half mile ahead of me and had fantasies of catching her, but couldn't quite get up my speed. During mile four, right after passing two women, I heard, "Is that Karen?" I looked behind me and I had just passed Elaine (who I'd been trying to catch on the bike)! I wished her luck on the run and kept plugging along. At the beginning of mile 5 I started to feel like I might bonk. My head was feeling light and a little dizzy. I had been drinking steadily throughout the run, but I think my lack of hydration on the bike was catching up with me. So, I started downing gatorade as much as I could and seemed to hold it off. By 5.5 miels, my knee pain finally kicked into full gear. I had to stop and walk more often than planned. but surprisingly, I think my last mile split was about 12:20. I felt like I was limping most of the end of the race, but I was able to run through the finish line.

What would you do differently?:Given that I was unable to train for the run as much as I would have liked because of knee and IT problems, I am really pleased with my run. And I PR'd! Still, My splits range over a minute difference in some places, so I would like to do a better job of holding a consistent pace. Plus, keep up with my physical therapy so my knees can get healthy for good!

Post race
Warm down:I wasn't sure how far behind me my partner was, so I just hung around at the finish line waiting for her. I waked around a little and stretched my legs. She arrived about 30 minutes after me. We then went to get something to eat and our t-shirts and returned to the finish line to wait for two more friends to finish.

What limited your ability to perform faster?:Knee and IT band problems that kept me from training as much as I would have liked and flared up during the race.

Country Music Marathon

2006-04-30T09:29:00.000-04:00

Country Music Marathon 2006-04-29
Nashville, Tennessee
Run Total Time = 6h 52m 20s
Overall Rank = 3945/4022

Pre-race routine:When we drove into Nashville and I saw the Coliseum, I got all teary eyed thinking about what would happen the next day. Had dinner that night with BT folks. Thanks, Renee, dinner was great! Went back to the hotel and straight to bed. Got 6-7 hours sleep. Woke up at 3:40 A.M. and ate two whole grain waffles. Drank water. Then we headed to the Coliseum. Once there I ate a Cliff bar ad drank some more water.

Event warmup:At the Coliseum I did my usual pre-running T'ai Chi warmups and then some stretching. After that we found the BT folks and put a BT tattoo on our calves. Then went to find the bathroom Renee's co-wroker told us about to avoid the port-a-potty crowd. After that mission was completed, we lined up in our corral and waited to start.

Run:We started off great. The plan was to run every third mile. So we ran miles 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, and 18. The crowd was lots of fun and the spectators were as well. At some point I looked around and realized that almost everyone except me and Bones was wearing a half marathon bib. Sure enough when Elvis split us up at mile 11 the crowd thinned out significantly. We walked for a bit with Laura from TNT in NC. And then settled in with the few people that we would be with for most of the rest of the race. My energy felt great throughout the race. I was able to follow my eating and drinking schedule well. Although, around mile 20, I thought I was going to throw up if I ate one more thing that was sweet. I kept really wishing I had some pretzels. I'll keep that in mind for next time. My legs felt great until the end of running mile 18. I wanted to start running every other mile starting at mile 20, but when we tried it my knee just couldn't do it. It was about that time, or maybe a little earlier, that my left leg where I got the stress fracture a couple months ago starting hurting. Between my left leg and my right knee, I was limping pretty badly for the last 6 miles. But there was no way I was giving up. Somewhere between miles 21 and 22 we saw Stephanie and later Amanda her friend Tanya. They were about 4 miles ahead of us and we cheered them on. After we passed mile 24, the band started playing "I Will Survive." I belted out singing along when the line came that said, "Did you think I would lay down and die? Oh no, not I! I will survive!"That gave me some renewed energy and I limped forward with more fervor than before, determined to make it to the end. One thing that really motivated me through those last few miles was a list I had written on my arm. I had decided to pray for someone I know during each mile of the race. The last mile was dedicated to my grandma who died in March, and I kept thinking, "I have to make it to Lulu's mile." When I finally saw mile marker 25, which started her mile, I cried a little. Once we turned the corner after marker 26, we jogged, or should I say shuffled, through to the end. Bones and I held hands and lifted them in the air as we crossed the finish line and I cried a little more. I can't believe I actually did it! I have always wanted to do a marathon. And I am so fricking proud of myself for having the courage to start and follow through with it. There have been many obstacles, both emotional and physical, trying to train for this marathon. But I stuck with it. I am so thankful that Bones decided 6 weeks ago to walk it with me. Without her help and motivation, I'm not sure I would have been able to finish.

Post race
Warm down:The second I crossed the finish line, my legs stopped working. I limped through the finishers area to get my medal and food. We had to limp around to retrieve our gear bag and then I hit the medical aid tent. They wrapped ice on my knee and thigh. I also realized there that somehow during the race I had sprained my right wrist. How I did that, God only knows. But it actually hurts the worst of anything on my body. Then we limped to the parking lot. Our car was parked on the opposite side of the lot. Bones went to retrieve the car and I literally fell in the grass and waited for her to come pick me up. We went back to the hotel and ordered two pizzas. I ate 3/4 of one and then passed out. We did go to the concert that night, which was cool, but I could barely walk.

What limited your ability to perform faster?:I had lots of injuries leading up to this race that I never allowed to fully recover. My original plan was to run the race, but I feel good about having walked it. I also had oral surgery unexpectedly that didn't go as well as hoped and disrupted my training quite close to the race. Overall, I feel so good about what I accomplished yesterday. It wouldn't have mattered if I had to crawl the last 6 miles, which I almost did, I would still be so proud of myself. But for now, I am taking a long time to recover. No running for at least a month.